'. . . intoxicated, by the madness. I'm in love with - my sadness . . .'

(title quote by Billy Corgan - from the lyrics to 'Zero', a track off the 'mellon Collie and the Infinite sadness' album by the Smashing Pumkins)

It would seem that i cannot be entirely honest or directly frank with my sense of humor with anyone anymore - as the last bastion of hope has fallen foul of the everydayness that eventually blinkers most. Was this ever a facility I enjoyed though? I don't know. But the veneer of diplomacy now sits over everything and everyone i interact with... like 'a damp rag on a salad' to quote Tom Robbins. I am infinitely sad about this and am instantly seeking to rectify the situation. I may never though, and may never (as previously insinuated) have even had the situation to rectify - but still! I will try. If i can't be free in the myriad ways that society dictates for me - i at least stand firm in my freedom to express myself. I will not stand down on this. Even if I lose every friend i've got. And they're falling like flies as we speak - but what point the continuation of a life if not to express yourself? Without it, we are but drones eeking out are existence just to perpetuate that which we eek out. An all mighty depressive thought to me that. Nevertheless, I can see the logic that most follow, and can therefore, all to easily, perceive the conception that those 'most' must regard as madness in my [life] method - and yes, perhaps it is the sustainment of my sadness that drives me to my, seemingly inevitable, lonely oblivion... but 'tis oblivion we all face anyway, so onwards Sonni Reign! Onwards...!